2-1-2009(FRIDAY)

difficult times keep coming.... my black hair keep turning white.... and the next thing i know.... i keep falling a lot of hair.... i need to sapu them almost every morning.... but fortunately... my hair keep growing at a very very fast pace... i looked very old these few weeks.... there were so much things happened that i cant looked young anymore... the mood has changed, the attitude has changed, the situation has changed, i feel so lonely, i feel so upset about things, i feel so depressed and disappointed about things, i feel so sad.......... my whole family are separating, the people i love keep leaving... i dont know what can i do when i back to penang in this coming chinese new year... i dont want to cry again.... i have cried for 9 days at home last month... yesterday cried again... today cried again... i want a new life.... 

so.... this was something related to my emotion... i was a very alert, sometimes emotionless person when i was young, probably in secondary school. i could control my every emotional moment precisely, but not now... definitely... i become so emotional... things keep happening... my heart keep breaking.... and the next thing i know... i want a new life.... 

a new life.....

a life that i can do what i like to do... research... developments... designs... organizers.... leaders... talk... talk... talk...

a life that there are people who can talk rubbish to a weird creature like me...

a life that i'm given various opportunities to upgrade and expose myself....

a life that i dont need to talk chinese to others......

a life which i dont have now.....

a life that everything start from zero..... people said we will be in a very difficult situation everytime we start a new life in a new place... but i guess not me..... i will be happier if i have the opportunity to start a new life.... i really want to leave.....