3-12-2008 (wednesday)

i received a call again today... some friends asked me... why you didnt answer my call?? or why you didnt reply my message in MSN?? or why you didnt reply my message in SMS?? they might not know about it.... but i was and am still afraid of answering something.. something that i afraid will bring bad news to me.... as the bad news that i received for the past few years were outnumbered the good news by a ratio of more than 10:1.... in short.. i have a phorbia to receive something from others... i prefer to talk to people directly....

and hence... the next hour ... again... i was behind the wheel to head home... this time... i have prepared for the worst... i know the feeling when my brothers asked me to drive slowly.. not to rush... and they said it was all depend on God if i have the chance to meet her for the last time... 

at home... i didnt have to go to the toilet for a very long time... the water was dissipated from my body through my eyes.... there was no need for toilet anymore... it was already too late... she could not recognize me... she could not see me... she could not feel me.... she can only listen to my voice.... sometimes....

cancer is ridiculously horror when it reached the central nervous system... it shut down every movement of our body... it attacks every cell available in our body...

to be continue....